AP (Köln, West Germany) - In an unusual incident, a local popcorn stand was blown up. No one was seriously injured, although several people standing near the explosion were scalded by hot oil and stung by unpopped popcorn kernels.

A group calling themselves the "Mannheim Mayhem Squad" claimed responsibility in a note that remained inexplicably intact on the stand. The note claimed the explosion was to warn Norville Higginbotham, the American popcorn tycoon. What he was being warned about was not specified.

Police suspect it to be a prank by local youth.

AP (London, England) - The boyhood home of rock superstar Paul McCartney was blown up, apparently by the strange terrorist group calling themselves the Mannheim Mayhem Squad. They claimed responsibility in a phone call to Scotland Yard, claiming that Mr. McCartney should restart the famous Beatles rock group, which they claimed he broke up. They further blamed the rock group breakup for worldwide inflation, the energy crisis, yuppies, and the disease AIDS.

When officials pointed out that John Lennon, a member of The Beatles, was assassinated in 1980, making a reunion impossible, the group had no comment.

Reuters (Paris, France) - Two channels of the government-run French TV were taken off the air by a series of explosions in their main studios. The Mannheim Mayhem Squad terrorist group claimed responsibility, condemning the French fascination with the American star Jerry Lewis.

"Anyone who likes that geek should get muscular dystrophy!" they were quoted as saying.

Surprisingly, a large number of French citizens applauded the action, voicing their extreme disapproval of the "dull" programming available on the government run stations.

AP (The Vatican, Rome) - In an unprecedented move, a terrorist group attempted to assault the Pope in his specialized bulletproof transport. The group, calling themselves the Mannheim Mayhem Squad, had been making threatening calls, complaining that "you don't play the game, you don't make the rules."

Six terrorists leaped out from the crowds and jumped aboard the "Pope-mobile" as it was driving His Holiness in a procession through the streets of Rome. The Pope was bruised and shaken up in the attack, although he did manage to knock one of the terrorists off of the vehicle using his miter.

One of the six involved was captured, only to swallow cyanide. Another was shot by the Italian police. A third was killed when the bullet he shot at the Pope bounced off the bullet-proof glass on the Papal vehicle. The ricochet hit the gunman, ultimately proving fatal. Several Catholic groups are claiming the ricochet as clear evidence of a miracle. The remaining three hijackers escaped into the crowds. Five security men were injured during the attack.

The Vatican refused to make any comments.

AP (Houston) NASA surprised the country yesterday with an unexpected, dramatic satellite rescue. This flight of the Discovery has been filled with surprises.

The mission, carrying a payload for the Department of Defense, was scheduled for launch sometime on the eighth. Instead, the shuttle was launched seven days early, with an extra, unknown, crew member.

Within hours of liftoff, the news services and television networks were informed of the unannounced satellite rescue of the ailing Geosat Earth Resource System. Pentagon spokesman Colonel Jared Pickering said "the classified portion of the mission is complete. The Geosat is a valuable Earth Resources satellite that was within the parameters of the shuttle's flight path. We decided that it wouldn't compromise the security of the mission if we did the Geosat recovery after all of the classified objectives of the flight had been met."

When asked about the extra crew member, a NASA source said that the person was a special contractor connected with the classified part of the mission.

The TV coverage of the Geosat rescue was made even more dramatic by the presence of a Soviet Soyuz space capsule. The Soyuz, piloted by Vassily Tereshkova, came within 100 yards of the satellite recovery. Despite political tensions on the ground, this is the closest the Soviets and the Americans have been in space since the historic Apollo-Soyuz ASTP linkup in orbit during the summer of 1975.

The Soyuz capsule left the site of the recovery once the Geosat was safely inside the cargo bay of the Discovery. It returned to the Mir space station where it has been docked for 112 days.

The Discovery returned to Earth less than three hours after the recovery of the satellite. The flight, less than one day in duration, was the shortest shuttle flight ever flown. NASA officials said that they were concerned about weather conditions in the Edwards landing area.

AP (Paris, France) - Terrorists identifying themselves as belonging to a group called the Mannheim Mayhem Squad skyjacked an Air France Concorde. The flight, a special Halloween costume party, was an invitation-only gala for rich and famous socialites. The terrorists boarded the plane dressed in gorilla suits.

The terrorists demanded that the plane be flown to Libya. When they learned that Libya did not have a runway long enough to land the plane, they group became indecisive about a destination. The plane flew in a large circle over Africa as the terrorists demanded to be flown to Algeria, Morocco, Mali, Angola, Mozambique, and Ethiopia in succession, only to find out that each of these countries could not land the plane either. The plane returned to France for refueling, as the terrorists finally decided to go to Cuba.

On the runway, the plane was stormed by special French anti-terrorist forces. After a brief gunfight, several of the terrorists were killed, and all but two others were captured and taken for questioning. The passengers and crew were uninjured, but badly shaken. They described the terrorists as "inept" and said that the terrorists claimed to be tired of France, and "just wanted to leave in style."

During the retaking of the plane, American astronaut Steven Melnick assisted by subduing three of the MMS members. Italian movie star Lisa Matorozzi distracted the terrorists by recreating a dance from her role in The Stripper.

Two terrorists escaped by knocking out two guests and stealing their identification. They are presumed to be responsible for exchanging the famous Eye of Karnahan ruby worn by Lady Doyle-Johnson for a paste copy.

AP (Rota, Spain) - Steven Melnick, the celebrated astronaut who heroically piloted the space shuttle Atlantis to a smooth landing after a mysterious encounter with an unidentified flying object, was released from the Rota airbase hospital today.

At a press conference after his release, Melnick answered questions that have puzzled the world since the accident on January 18.

"There was an electrical discharge from the object to the shuttle. Our communications equipment and computers shorted out in the power surge. The OMS (orbital maneuvering system) engines fired, kicking us into an elliptical orbit. When that happened, we knew we were going to be coming back on that orbit, even if we didn't know for sure just what the parameters were. We just knew that the other side of the orbit intersected the atmosphere. It was get it right or burn up trying. Of course, we were already burning in the cabin."

The accidental firing of the shuttle engines boosted the Atlantis into an oval orbit, with a high point of 212 nautical miles. The low point of the orbit was only 16 nautical miles, high within the Earth's atmosphere. If the shuttle had not been aligned for a proper reentry, it would have burned up in the atmosphere, consumed in an inferno exceeding 6000° F.

"We got the fire in the cabin under control. That was the worst part. Then we powered down all of the subsystems in the vehicle, in order to prevent any further electrical problems. Taking parts from the computer and a few other systems, we managed to get the radio receiver working again. Fortunately, NASA was beaming us the information we needed to know to hit the reentry window."

Officials on the ground had lost all voice and telemetry signals from the shuttle. "We couldn't hear them, but we hoped that they could hear us." said capsule communicator (CAPCOM) Melanie Standish. "It's one of the contingencies we're prepared for."

"We weren't sure if we could get the OMS engines to burn to slow us down and get us in that window," said Melnick as he continued his story. "In fact, when Ger (co- pilot Gerard Kenilworth) hit the switch and it didn't fire, we both said 'That's what we get for flying in something built by the lowest bidder'. It's an old joke, but it broke the tension."

The crowd of press officials was silent, hanging on Melnick's every word. When he stopped to drink some water, several yelled out, demanding to know just how they fixed the engines.

"The good ol' American way," Melnick responded. "I just pounded on the switch with my fist. One good whack and those engines started right up."

"Getting down was just a matter of nursing every last bit of lift out of the vehicle. With a good TEAM (terminal energy management - tricks to keep the shuttle aloft as long as possible) strategy, we had just enough to get us to Rota. We thought about those aircraft carriers steaming to meet us, but the Navy just doesn't build 'em long enough to land on!"

When asked about the missing thermal tiles and the damaged wing, Melnick said "She's a good bird. She wasn't going to let a few minor holes stop her. Besides, there were a lot of people out there waiting for us, so we didn't have much choice. Hank's (mission specialist Henry Enfield) wife would've killed me if I didn't bring Hank back in one piece!"

Melnick had some strong words to those claiming that he single-handedly saved the $4,000,000,000 Atlantis and the American space program.

"There were six of us on board that bird. It took all six of us to get her back to terra firma. The six of us wouldn't have gotten back if there weren't thousands of people on the ground doing everything they could to bring us down in one piece. They're the heroes. We just did what they trained us to do."

Melnick went on to ask forgiveness for landing "at the wrong airport at the wrong time." This brought laughter from the gallery, in light of the difficulties that airline pilots have been having due to the latest American air-traffic controller walkout.

This was only the third shuttle flight since the Challenger explosion in January of 1986. Melnick also had some words for those who were asking if this would cause another long delay in shuttle flights.

"We've waited too long to get back in the harness. Every one of those on the Challenger would tell you that if they could. We've got experiments that have been waiting for years to fly; experiments that will answer significant questions about the universe. There's too much to find out. The Soviets are up there every day - they have been for five years now. They have a working space station. Our space station is still on the drawing boards. The Europeans are mad at us for our delays slowing them down. No - we've got to get our act together and start doing more, not less."

A NASA spokesman said that the accident will have little impact on the next launch, scheduled for March and the shuttle Discovery. "We're only going to be delayed long enough for us to get the Atlantis and the landing equipment back to the US. We'll also work to get the Odyssey online." The Odyssey is the shuttle currently under construction to replace the ill-fated Challenger.

Although Melnick denies his hero status, the American public has gone 'mad for Melnick'. There are two songs climbing the pop charts about his heroics. T-shirts with his face can be seen all across the country. The NASA public relations office has been deluged with requests for Melnick to speak or to visit at functions around the world. The astronauts are scheduled for a ticker- tape parade through New York when they are all released from the hospital. Melnick is scheduled to fly to Washington, D.C. to dine with the President. Hollywood sources are said to be scrambling to bring his story to movies and television.

NASA officials are still not saying what the shuttle collided with in orbit. The original news releases claimed that the unidentified object was the remains of the ill- fated Indonesian Palapa B-2 communication satellite. Sources in the Pentagon are not ruling out the possibility that the object was a secret Soviet "Star Wars" test with anti-radar screens that prevented the shuttle from detecting and avoiding the object. The Soviets have protested this allegation, claiming that their analysis shows the object to be an American reconnaissance "spy-eye" satellite.

Plans are being formulated for the return of the damaged Atlantis to be flown back to the United States for repairs. NASA spokesman Gerald Stone said "there'll be no trouble getting the Atlantis serviceable again. With the Odyssey nearly complete, we have all of the tooling that we need. We'll be seeing the Atlantis again, possibly by the end of this year."

AP (Frankfurt, Germany) - Terrorists identifying themselves as the Mannheim Mayhem Squad escaped after surrendering themselves to German officials. Demanding a cache of 'nuclear hand grenades', an end to the flight of US spy satellites over wildlife refuges, and ten thousand copies of the Beatles "White" album, the terrorists had taken US and Soviet arms negotiators hostage for three difficult days.

Pravda reporter Wilhelm Steinkirsch was the only negotiator allowed into Rotstein Castle, where superpower negotiators had been progressing towards reductions in conventional and nuclear forces in Europe. Steinkirsch called the terrorists "smooth" and "professional". He said that the takeover of the castle had been "professionally planned, which is surprising considering the MMS's previous attempts at terror."

The terror group had surrendered peacefully to German officials. However, on the way to holding cells in Wiesbaden, the prison vehicle and its convoy were stopped by other terrorists with American anti-tank weaponry. All of the terrorists involved in the operation are still at large.

Officials at the nearby US airbase are concerned of a possible linkage between the explosions on that base, the hostage crisis, and rumors of a theft of secret information by the international terrorist and master thief known as "Franco". Highly placed sources within the Air Force deny that any vital information has vanished. "There were some papers that were misfiled" claimed the source, denying that a picture of Generalissimo Franco was found after the explosions.